mother used to warn with the sterness of a storm 'please stay away from that punch & judy man yes - by all means be amused by his swazzley domestic abuse but never-ever-ever accept sweets from his hand or take him up on the offer of a lift in his van' everyone knew really ...
Science
blubbering on
do not stand at my grave & weep as i faked my own death i aint 6 six feet deep there's a sack of maris pipers in the coffin down there whilst i live the high life new i.d - elsewhere so when you awaken in the morning shite for me it might be evening, early afternoon or night aye - so do not blubber at my graveside & that instead fuck yourself rigid you stupid fucking twat x ...
offerings (how to try)
offer your plans to the warm blue hands of confusion let it nurture them let them feed off its odd let it nestle them let it be their god then put this faith in the obscure things & the details like moss & lichen on a post an opaque stain on the dog-shelf the many traces of utmost & the rest should look after itself ... (author notes; dog-shelf is slang for floor)
the monkey in me
Whilst climbing trees to feel closer to God & perchance clasp the beard of the cheeky old sod something simian stirred from pre-human history in its current Chinese year - it's the monkey in me. Yes, there's a monkey in me there's a monkey in you there's a monkey in the vicar & your mother obviously too as evolution does its things in regards to time & ape but we're not that different really 'cause everyone's primate ...
what friends are for
Let them eat Kate let them eat Dave let them eat Sue she's on the menu too. Let them eat Brian let them eat Ryan let them eat Hugh ideally in a stew. Let them eat Eve let them eat Steve spit roasted on a rotisserie. Let them eat Martha let them eat Arthur let them eat Clara - yes everyone but me ...
faffin’ about
We're faffin' about but just the usual gubbins no trouble or owt. No blood has been drawn here no broken bones nowt. Nothing is destroyed yet nothing gets done we're faffin' about & it's harmless fun ...
livin’ the countryside life
We're lunching luncheon with a racist old lady foraged mosses, lichen, onion gravy we're taking pot shots at low flying light aircraft with silver pellets on the off-chance it's a werebat we're discussing metaphysics with bullocks we're befriending muddy fields & winding streams 'cause we're livin' the countryside life - yeah we're livin' the countryside dream ...
gettin’ there…
When the grey is there to stay above the saturated earth with threatenings of rain onto its soggy sodden turf when most sensible life has scarpered when breezes pick up into cold winds instead pray for the heavens to open then the Gods can bless this dim, this grim ...
how to fly
You'll never actually fly fly aye sadly that's ridiculous unless you have loads of feather-stuff attached to both your arm-things yet then you'd TWAT into the sea (cite daft Icarus) But there's always metaphor of course & beyond this in a sortofishy allegory plus dead tough drugs i.e Nurofen Plus a mate of mine once dropped 3. Fuckin' nutter ...
how they make freckles
You put your left hand in your left hand out wait 'til next April then shake the mucus out whilst scattering Natterjack Toad bones libations of Irn Bru plus offerings of Toblerone a pocketful of rye then a Mind's Eye of imply & that might do it it's worth a try ...