the hosepipe gestapo


the hosepipe gestapo ( opatseg epipesoh eht )

ten fucking years here
in this prison /

re-eductation camp
for watering geraniums

in the death of day
with a stocking on me noggin

as the black bats flapped
& the full moon waned

curtain twitchers stirred
aroused by sprinkled sounds

probably retired
bloody covid wardens

them with nought within
& decking on their back lawn

where grass gleamed
faded since like england’s

coddled hills & farmland
so come dawn

a banged down door
& the hosepipe gestapo

whacked us in the van
sentenced without trial

silly bollocks really
so we have to smile

a wondrous thing


a wondrous thing ( gniht suordnow a )

a wondrous thing, a sight – behold
a shining gleam, a sheen of gold

the bollocks of the toppest dog
in digital or analogue

the ice is dry – the lighting low
the cast is crashing lightning so

a wondrous thing, a singing sage
& not available in beige

it does the bins & washing up
& filleth doth the spilleth cup

it never rusts & dusts the shelves
the feathers preen & clean themselves

the words within are sentinels
& oh, the several tentacles

a pillared post, a frozen star
a book, a bat, the god’s guitar

a magic door that sobers drunks
& cue the sound of chanting monks

the monkey shapes of space & time
a panacea’s pantomime

from skin & bone to bloated whale
the king will bow & all must hail

the best of all, your number one
a wondrous thing – now where’s it gone?

songs of the summer ( so far )


songs of the summer ( so far ) ( ( raf os ) remmus eht fo sgnos )

diabetic midwife – scotch egg hatchling

hyperspace clive – mushy pea beats

dyslexic dental assistants – love on the m42

susan’s shoe – ( acapela instrumental )

ketchup kenneth – the ombudsman’s missus

vacant anus – marmite massacre

the parsnip farmers – piss off & diary

gavin in a milkfloat – the goat nextdoor

narnia f.c – the prog days of summer

d.j ball sack – technicolour dream scroat

( alternative names for rain )


( alternative names for rain ) ( niar rof seman evitanretla )

utnapishtim pish
spent pennies from heaven
what the quack ordered

the waz of the gods
high tides on magonia
floating noah’s boat

a river’s lifeblood
answering the shaman’s dance
bringer of puddles

quencher of gardens
& the splash within a birdbath
a storm’s hearth fire

why cagoules are cool
mate of macs & anoraks
grass’s ganymede

feeder of the trees
filler of ponds, lochs & lakes
sating all again

why not write about … ?


why not write about … ? ( ? … tuoba etirw ton yhw )

granny knotted baling twine
not a reef or hercules

why the green finch
is purple in your journals

buttons of the bronze age
once upon a swan

postcards from nowhere’s
hairy anus

partridges in beech trees
& the latest shrew news

humpty dumpty, humpbacks
the whales or the bridges