revenge of the vegetables


revenge of the vegetables ( selbategev eht fo egnever )

blustering brussels

artichokes in farty folks

parping the parsnips

misting in action


misting in action ( noitca ni gnitsim )

misting the point
the bus & the mark

floating in mist
like bo peep’s sheep

moist of all
i’m breathing in mist

singing in mist
like a mistle thrush

deep in this mist
& misting the boat

presumed misting
like a view

marbles, mister kipling
or the mister men

bumping into trees
stubbing mistle toes

misting a key
within this sylphid sea

misting a trick
but never a beat

mistn’t grumble though
i mist be glowing

a mist in the mist
& misting your phone calls

the lord’s prayer ( 2021 n.p.c remix )


the lord’s prayer ( 2021 n.p.c remix ) ( ximer c.p.n 1202 )

our masked father
who art a potato
rainbow be thy skin

thy swill be dung
thy kingdom cunt
on earth as it is on twatter

jab us this day
our daily booster
& blame us all
for climate change

as we destroy those
who scramble our circuitry

in the name
of the sacred syringe
key workers – so no bloody poets
& the green recycled jackboots

for god is a they-them scientists
who dyes their pubes turquoise
on the big pharma gravy train
forever & ever


how do you sleepwalk?


how do you sleepwalk? ( ?klawpeels uoy od woh )

rabid badger man

mister blobby’s cousin

      one sock puppet short

      of a baker’s dozen

maker of mutations

darkness is the light

      in the arse-crack

      of y’ tunnel-vision 

arwen blew

but the blustering is you

      breakers on the sea

      in a mug of rosie lee

pointing sticky fingers

at the clean unclean

      too many cocks

      soiling the broth

sniffles on the snooze

so christ’s on ‘is bike


      – mask psychosis

under howling moons

how do you sleepwalk?

      feet in sync

      with the wicked rhyme of time

( ??????? )

dyslexic facts


dyslexic facts ( stcaf cixelsyd )

hell hath no fury

like a wombat scorned

hominids squawk

upon two legs

all roads lead to romford

parrots help us see

in the ruddy dark

the morning sun’s a starling

breakfast starts the data stream

one plus one is toodleooh

meat is murmur or myrtle

cats have nine livers

don’ts & do’s


don’ts & do’s ( s’od & st’nod )

never play leapfrog

with a triceratops

      dust away the cobwebs

      or eat the yellow snow

so an old gosling

honking on a millpond

      stopped & told me so

      once upon a wednesday

never grow a top knot

they’re an n.p.c antennae

      connected to the mainframe

      beaming in the shite

badger on backwards

irk the scourge of weasels

      only talk to strangers

      if they’re in the mirror

never love the dirges

of bloody insta-poets

      angst in their pants

      raking in the cash

bee an individual

tell the hive – buzz off

      serve with steamed greens

      don’t let the buggers bite

the internet


the internet ( tenretni eht )

the internet’s a troubadour
a storm trooper & a troll

the internet’s the biggest shill
in digital christendom

the internet’s a succubus
a geisha & a geek

the internet has seen you shave
y’ hairy arse & ankles

the internet’s a fire
a liar & lamia

the internet’s a parsnip
a portal & a star ship

the internet lures children
with rainbow lollipops

the internet’s a baiter
a beta & a bleep

the internet’s the shepherd
of all the jabber’s sheep

the internet’s a he-she
a zee & thingamee

the internet’s a karen
an andrew & a darren

the internet’s a cloud
a shrine & evening’s shroud

the internet’s alive
& kicking like a jackboot

the internet’s the ghoul
( divide the tribes & spool )

the internet’s a ghost
a shadow in the corner

the internet is not a friend
but never forgets a birthday