final words on athlete’s foot


final words on athlete’s foot ( toof s’etelhta no sdrtow lanif )

i thought you were
an urban myth

like potholing
or lichtenstein

until your spores settled
in between my toes

my polished oak toes
beneath my wooden legs

the doctor said

the bishop tried
to exorcise

& yet you grew
& reddened then

a crimson shade
of blistered skin

scaling in places
like a lovely old toad

she of whiffy socks
feeding on the phantom jam

itches in the night
whispered then – i love you

oh, how i believed
until i learnt of others

with the same infection
– you’d been sleeping around

so i chainsawed
the limbs below me bellend

apart in foot & heart
you linger where the head is

you fungal fucking whore
mrs. tinea pedis

middle may not march


middle may not march ( hcram ton yam elddim )

red shepherd sunrise

warning the morning

      sights for sore iris

      & drooping bluebell

ends in beginnings

bring your own picnic

      pencils in cases


glistening magpies

pied like a wagtail

      pipers inside us

      miming the high notes

playing the rhubarb

fooling the pudding

      pissing the parcel

      fluttering butter

spring is a fucker

further’s a murmur

      chasing a sun day

      whistle a willow

walking in warbles

spooling in cagoules

      piriton’s flashbacks

      sneezing the pastures

yes is a nomad

walk upon england

      blake is awakened

      so sod the machine

newton is sleeping

twofold’s a thistle

      beulah beckons

      & god save the green

gravy chain


gravy chain ( niahc yvarg )

river it on
ripples ‘n’ raffles
vessels ‘n’ vassals
singing a swan

singing a swan
cygnus is calling
then in the morning
kissing the gone

kissing the gone
patching in purples
pining for kernels
while in the yon

while in the yon
flockings of sucklings
waddles of ducklings
springing upon

springing upon
green is the chantry
pan in me pantry
god on the john

god on the john
shitting it better
pissing forever
river it on

eff it all


eff it all ( lla ti ffe )

further’s feathered fruits
fluorescent frogmen fisting
flapjack fatima

flapjack fatima
forty four farmers farting
farthings faraway

farthing faraway
face forever’s fledermaus
freyja’s flowers fly

freyja’s flowers fly
florists frisking fishmongers
friday’s fragmental

friday’s fragmental
fluegelhorn formaldehyde
fools flinging fresh figs

fools flinging fresh figs
falcons flutter fawnish flutes
further’s feathered fruits

cee the light


cee the light ( thgil eht eec )

catfish catalyst

cosmonauts canoodle

custard caribou

( author notes )

there’s a nasty rumour

doing the rounds

online at the moment

so to put the record straight


the queen of england

is not ninety six years old

because phillip schofield

is only sixty

plus he doesn’t look a day

over fifty seven and a half

– so leave it

rush owls


rush owls ( slwo hsur )

tawny owls racing
with the morning hare

quicker than lightning
striking the air

barn owls in fast cars
stuck in solid jam

screeching at the lights
& the broken down tram

eagle owls at taxi ranks
jumping the queue

barging passed the frogmouths
& the nightjars too

little owls in pickles
late for the train

snowy owls sleeting
dashing in the rain

cough up


cough up ( pu hguoc )

the fiver you borrowed
in crocodile times

last supper’s bay leave’s
& fish finger bones

the smoke that we choke
when london burns again

sputters of dust
in the attics of our minds

a persian furball
the wager that waned

twenty two guineas
& a shilling in change

the chewing gum you found
on the sole of your shoe

a thousand pound fine
for kissing a gnu

remnants of the ‘rona
scamdemic afterglows

for hardcore zealots
& big pharma jihadists

a tip for the waiter
instead of see y’ later

& a greeny green frog
croaking of tomorrows

poets of purple twilight


poets of purple twilight ( thgiliwt elprup fo tseop )

slither, garden snake
alexandrite underling
as the stars awake

glisten with y’ ears
regal squealers ink of she
her seventy years

patching piffle’s shat
plodding paths of this ‘n’ that
in a wanker hat

pen of heather skies
clumps of fluffy amethyst
another sun dies

knot the dim of day
nature is the monarch of
geminis in may

greet the even’ breeze
scribble piffle lullabies
on lavender leas

poetry sale now on


poetry sale now on ( no won elas yrteop )

buy one haiku

get two free

      whether they’re wanted

      or not

sonnets come

with a fifteenth line

      & it’s gratis

      thank us later

pay with pens

or magic beans

      now accepting


if they’re not too

worn or ropy

      & they don’t smell

      pickled onion

bargain bins

are brimming sweetly


      so say the romans

scan the shelves

of ditty discounts


      & senyru too

fifty percent

extra on limericks

      so seven & a half

      lines for five

odes are going

for a swansong

      everything that flows

      must glow