in medieval times well the keys were so much bigger plus the locks were far larger than today yet the people were smaller yes we've grown taller & the keys & locks have gone the other way this poem you may say is devoid of a point like a fly once plucked of its wings but at this going rate keys will soon be subatomic then we'll never ever find the fucking things ...
Art
the great wet outdoors
there's spitting & there's rain in the middle there's drizzle sometimes all 3 come at once the skies delight in riddles there's hail, sleet & snow plus every week or so frogs the trick is to be amphibious too all gifts from the gods so crack on through the lot ...
onions & toenails
learn your own self-myths know your pungent onions embellish every blemish or your ship's surely sunken grow your own toenails respect the power of bunion learn your own self-myths know your pungent onions ...
visions of things
i was amble-plodding down a y'oldey wonky lane to my left a field of donkeys in the head an empty brain to my right a field of peas when the visions burst forth yes pods a plenty as a jenny eeyored i saw next ash wednesday it rained around 3ish a ginormous artichoke an otter feeling peevish a baboon in a wedding dress - 2 pixies playing badminton & then shite faded out to nowt - should i inform the vatican ( ? ) ...
on a piss-wet afternoon in june
on a piss-wet afternoon in june i dusted the dusty bits humming some tunes the radetzky march then the theme from pingu on a piss-wet afternoon in june ...
the girl with carrots for fingers
the girl with carrots for fingers had actual carrots for fingers i met her one crunchy candlemas eve hiding in a wood amidst the frosty old trees the girl with carrots for fingers oh how her carrot touch lingers she escaped from a farm-lab then lived on the run a super-hush experiment & potentially; weapon yes the girl with carrots for fingers don't worry - her hair wasn't ginger we spoke of a future her voice was a song but come the yawn of morning-thing that carrot girl had gone ...
the man who invented sneezing
loads of moon ago lived the man who invented sneezing he claimed it was an accident crossed with a fluke 'it just popped out one evening' he apologised at first saying 'sorry that's weird shat, that's wrong' but soon other people starting sneezing too - it's funny what things catch on ...
dinner dream
i hosted my fantasy dinner party foursome in last sleep's culinary dream chris packham then rosa luxemburg judas iscariot & idi amin ~ everyone loved the trifle idi asked me for the recipe ...
( had a farm )
old macdonald had a farm e - i - e - i - o until one day when it completely vanished what happened to it? no one knows some say it was nicked by gypos or aliens or alien gypsies yes old macdonald had a farm but where it is now? that's a flipping mystery ...
patience poem
patience is listening to the radio on the off-chance the dj will exclusively play new material by mozart after centuries away plus news about the album & up-coming tour dates great art can't be rushed yes - well worth the wait ...
resarf poetry 