There was a young woman from Leighton Buzzard
who decided to hide in a cupboard
in order to avoid being the subject of limericks
it worked out quite well for her actually...
As a young child
& thereabouts
little Barry Wellywanger
was terrified
of Dormice
He saw a picture of one once
in a dog-eared copy
of Hibernating Rodent Monthly
& he wrongfully assumed
that they were much larger than they really are
-probably borderline Blue Whale-esque-ish
-if not bigger
-Bloody Hell!
...Many moons passed before he finally met one
It was sunbathing on a park bench at the time
He nearly sat on it at first...
I know this is a strange thought
but
honestly if you ask me
I think Jesus was a chimpanzee
This makes perfect sense
in my perfectly sensible head,
he wasn't tempted by stones
turning into loaves
because as far as I know
monkeys don't eat bread,
I think my Dark Lord & Master
should have offered him bananas instead
It's good to dream...
This little piggy went to market,
this little piggy stayed at home,
this little piggy
looked a little looked a little bit like Stephen Gately
so he replaced him
as the 5th member
of Boyzone
(on their reunion tour
run for the moors...)
This little piggy swam with dolphins
& narwhals (both species)
& rode on the back of a giraffe,
this little piggy went back in time
with a joke
& cheered up Sylvia Plath
(briefly)
& this little Piggy moved to Bradford
& got a job working in his local Costco,
he was doing alright for himself
until he bumped into his local serial killer
& then he got done in by a crossbow...
(The End)
I used to run a dating agency for chickens,
as ideas go
that one was quite unique
I used to run a dating agency for chickens,
but I struggled
to make hens meet...
resarf poetry 