songs of the summer ( so far )


songs of the summer ( so far ) ( ( raf os ) remmus eht fo sgnos )

diabetic midwife – scotch egg hatchling

hyperspace clive – mushy pea beats

dyslexic dental assistants – love on the m42

susan’s shoe – ( acapela instrumental )

ketchup kenneth – the ombudsman’s missus

vacant anus – marmite massacre

the parsnip farmers – piss off & diary

gavin in a milkfloat – the goat nextdoor

narnia f.c – the prog days of summer

d.j ball sack – technicolour dream scroat

( alternative names for rain )


( alternative names for rain ) ( niar rof seman evitanretla )

utnapishtim pish
spent pennies from heaven
what the quack ordered

the waz of the gods
high tides on magonia
floating noah’s boat

a river’s lifeblood
answering the shaman’s dance
bringer of puddles

quencher of gardens
& the splash within a birdbath
a storm’s hearth fire

why cagoules are cool
mate of macs & anoraks
grass’s ganymede

feeder of the trees
filler of ponds, lochs & lakes
sating all again

why not write about … ?


why not write about … ? ( ? … tuoba etirw ton yhw )

granny knotted baling twine
not a reef or hercules

why the green finch
is purple in your journals

buttons of the bronze age
once upon a swan

postcards from nowhere’s
hairy anus

partridges in beech trees
& the latest shrew news

humpty dumpty, humpbacks
the whales or the bridges

what the critics said


what the critics said ( dais scitirc eht tahw )

“the unicorn bristles
gently caress the heels”
( rennie rectangle, shoe buff buff monthly )

“tied too tightly
to ever be undone”
( zues ammon junior, the gordian )

“the phoenix feathers
sang me to sleep”
( eve smegingley, things that rhyme with willow )

“i laughed so hard
my harvest failed”
( archibald arsewipe, the sunday hexpress )

“one, zero, one, one
zero, one, zero, zero”
( gordon borgton, the annual bot review )

“rusty in places
but absolutely arrow-proof”
( mussafah goodwinson, the daily chain mail )

hikes ‘n’ yikes


hikes ‘n’ yikes ( sekiy ‘n’ sekih )

the rising cost of tea
& cheapo custard creams

the soaring price of squiddy ink
& sheets of recycled tree

or “paper” ( if you must )
is bumming poetry

up the hairy backroad
where the brown bears growl

see the normans harrying
norf f.c

yoking like the romans
when they’re claudine forked

effed or rogered
this is not a jolly flag

hags in flighty nighties
bull eyed bellends

poke us with cattle prods
& invisible twigs

all the normalzzz shudder
barking utter bollards

so the bend is near
chafe the evening breezy

& pay fifty quid or else
for this scribbled “freebie”

b a r d


b a r d ( d r a b )

bark a rabid dirge

blacken a red door

blue a roan donkey

bloom a rosy dawn

bite a ripe damson

blow a raspberry – doughnut

build a rocky den

breathe a rousing dew

boat a river down

bob a robin’s dance

brush a rascal dog

bumble a runcible ditty

bee a rainy day

bright against rising darkness

bugger all robotic diktats

bring a rubber duckie