"testing testing one two three buckle my shoe bitch slap my knee can you hear me at the back? now how about the front? spoonerisms rule you cotal tunt so two one one two whack up the bass the treble's on a level take that shat-face so testing working - fingers crossed & hope good evening wembley amen, i'm the pope" ...
Poems
sweet arson dreams
in last night's slept tight well i burned my old school, a church that was askin' for it burnin' stuff's cool then i set alight a scout hut which went off with a whooosh baden powell was fascist scum so 'take that hitler youth' then i torched a y'oldey haybarn f*ck it - on a whim then last but not least windsor castle i hope the queen was in & then i woke up grinning readied for day's shite strife recharged by sweet arson dreams the trick is not to do it in real life ( ! ) ...
the cauliflower people ( ! )
eeh the cauliflower people well the florety folk yes they're definitely real no it's sadly not a joke 'cause fairly bland vegetable plus some science when it's evil plus the darkest of dark magic = cauliflower people don't talk to them ...
the great word search 2016
when lost for words when none are there a vacant mouth a tongue that's bare then scour the earth then go in search then climb a tree a silver birch then dredge canals then swim them seas all 6 & 1 where can they be? from pole t' t'other a fruitless ordeal but after all that well, how do you feel ( ? ) ...
adverts are dark witchcraft
adverts are dark witchcraft which tinkers with our minds they make us all buy tinsel & thick coats in july then take out goat insurance when we don't own goats adverts are dark witchcraft the magic of promote ( ! ) ...
the village of keiths ( ! )
i live in a village where everyone's keith every man, woman & child is called keith keiths build-up like limescale but a secret i keep i'm the only non-keith so i lie ' hi, i'm keith ' ...
during the war
during the war when there was a war on all poems were rationed to 2 words or less including the title 'cause there was a war on so we all ate crumble those days were the best ...
an angry letter to someone ( or other )
when pandas shagged like rabbits when lions just ate fruit when leopard spots still changed alot when penguins wore actual suits before all the squirrels & monkeys went nuts when the slugs sped about in a rush well none of this bollocks would be tolerated then & so huff all of us huff ( x ) ...
get into politics
you should get into politics that's what folk say which never means you should do it just means go away even i know that one no need to huff or scoff you should get into politics i.e fuck off ...
( ? ) where to go ( ? )
well south of here is far too hot your shoes will melt your clogs will burn sand demons - plenty disease - lots a squinting hell you'll soon return but north of here is far too cold there's yetis frostbite - soon takes hold so just stay here the perfect spot aye so say i & goldilocks ...
resarf poetry 