List

10 books to write

1. Starting Stuff For The First Time (a beginners guide)

2. The Dairy of Samuel Pepys

3. 1,578 THINGS TO DO WITH AN EGG TIMER

4. Skim Reading (at a glance)

5. The Bumper Book of Artichoke Jokes

6. Spooky Ghost-Owl Tales of Great Bittern

7. Buddha, The Boyband Years...

8. The Pop-Up Book of Saucy Welding Anecdotes
(comes with free safety visor & gloves)

9. War & Peas

& 10. The Incomplete Encyclopedia of EVERYTHING

A Poetical Warning

All too oft’

like a bat-saturated loft,

poetry

can contain

the following………

…

Nuts, dust

& latex gloves.

–

Flash photography

with loads of strobes.

–

Italics, nasty prangs

& sudden-BANGS!

–

Bad language indeed

when there’s no shit fuckin’ need.

–

Half a shandy & an Aspirin,

I know a mate

who knows a goat

who has a cousin if you’re askin’…

–

Plus some other stuff that’s vague

& the bubonic plague.

Enjoy…

List of Demands

1.

I want to be ambiguous

like Julius Caesar

playing Monopoly

with an octopus

on a Berocca comedown

– but that’s ridiculous.

2.

I want to write free verse

but all too often it evades me,

oh well – it’s not a poem unless it rhymes

& at least then I’m not that lazy.

& 3.

I want apathy

but any time’s fine with me.

All that stuff...

Up The Proverbial

1. The Isle of Man is an island. Atlas Fact.

2. Fortune favours the jammy, the spawny & cheats.

3. Marry a snake, sur pent at leisure.

4. A friend in Neath is a friend in Wales... (classico)

5. Out of sight-bollocks! Where's it gone?

6. When the going gets tough fake an asthma attack...Or fit.

7. Practice makes smug gits & dull, even times.

8. He who laughs last is a bit of a div...Or, more echo prone.

9. Most roads don't lead to Rome (& most canal tow paths)

& 10. A bird in the hand should be back in its bush...
                            
                               PEACE