10 books to write

1. Starting Stuff For The First Time (a beginners guide)

2. The Dairy of Samuel Pepys

3. 1,578 THINGS TO DO WITH AN EGG TIMER

4. Skim Reading (at a glance)

5. The Bumper Book of Artichoke Jokes

6. Spooky Ghost-Owl Tales of Great Bittern

7. Buddha, The Boyband Years...

8. The Pop-Up Book of Saucy Welding Anecdotes
(comes with free safety visor & gloves)

9. War & Peas

& 10. The Incomplete Encyclopedia of EVERYTHING

a good game for a saturday

Let’s toss a coin then

to finally decide,

tails you live life

heads you die

…

Tails you run free

& forget all this,

ooh, without cheating

heads it is

…

Sorry x

rocking chairs for courses

Well,

rocking chairs

for courses

endorses

odd forces,

which unravel

smockravelled

like most abstract

golf courses

…

Furthermore,

they wobble

& are moon-inclined

to waddle,

plus pretend

they’re part-stoat

& lob cobwebs

at ghosts,

but occasionally

it’s just wankish

twaddle

…

That’s the trouble.

tosh off

Contrary

to unpopular belief

fuelled by graffiti

& general deceit,

none of the following

was written in a cable car

…

Or a hovercraft

for that matter,

down a haunted lead mine shaft

or half way up a ladder

with a mild breeze

…

No,

not a single sausage, please,

& naught was conceived

via mad cow disease

-Udder nonsense

…

foul-mouthed interval

Ad interim

which sounds ruder

than it actually is,

idiot est

meantime,

which is quality

with hints

of bee-line

…

For the duration

which on the sly

shunts on stagnation,

so ergo

electricity

& yet inexplicably

shit-explicitly

(!)

…

For fuck’s sake

….

how to add heaven to the long list of places that you’re barred from…

Naturally

I sold my soul

to that bastard,

poetry,

at the somewhat

haggled price

of a measly

50p

…

I started off

at a quid like

but the cheeky

little wanker

wouldn’t budge,

& now I’m surely

hell bound,

but this is

what I wanted,

so please

don’t judge

…

miraculous mornings

Nearly always

there's the smug face

of Jesus

on my toast,

if not

then it's his uncle,

 God 

instead 

or his cousin,

The Holy Ghost.




Delicious

...









(Author Nodes: Occasionally I dozed off in Sunday school...)

wasn’t raised by wolves





Even in my 

younger

care-free 

arson days,

I never-ever 

wanted

to be adopted

then subsequently

raised,

by monkeys or wolves

as their wolf-monkey

son,

because although

it's quite 

rare like

it's yawningly

 been done

...




Otters

might be an idea

mind

or possibly 

crossbills

or badgers,

but having said 

all that

there's always 

Japanese macaques 

as I too

love hot baths

-Yer

that would be

the nadgers

...

clicks & careers

I love it

when things

go ‘Click’

-Shades of snapped twig,

& a fog light

shines through

this distortion

yes, it’s a comforting

sign & sound

that reminds my feet

‘There’s ground’

-Thank God I’m not into contortion

…

burn the culprit

When your cows

go dry

& your crops

all fail,

when you exclaim

in despair

at the plight

of the whale

…

When your house

burns down

& your cat

gets HIV,

please leave God alone

for once

-Let’s blame poetry

…

resarf poetry

( ? )

Poetry