the moral maze

Cars often

pull over

& ask me

for directions

for example

'Where's Gibblet's Lane?'




& if I know

I'll answer

their question,

to aid them 

on their procession

out of the kindness

of my heart

-It's no strain 

or pain.




However,

if I haven't got

a clue

e.g

'Where's Garroter's Avenue?'

I'll just make

something up

all the same.




On the off-chance

that I'm 

right,

as you clever

ever know

it might,

& either way

I'll probably

never see them

again

...



electric fence therapy

Beyond the

penultimate

stile

of m’ walk

there stood

an electric

fence,

which I decided

to try

& its voltage

imbibe

on the off-chance

it charged me

with sense

& erased

all the shite

so I gripped it

so tight

-Then came shock

‘AAAH y’ cock’

Ergo thence,

reflex robbed me

of grip

plus current

gave me

the slip,

as local livestock

laughed

at my expense

(try again)

the doom’s day off

Today no dark shadow

loomed

& there wasn't even the slightest trace

of gloom,

Venice stopped bricking it

in regards to the ice caps,

today was a day-off for Doom.




So the world breathed a sigh


of relief

& Pam Ayers ceased to worry

about her teeth,

meanwhile Doom pottered

& rearranged some stray rubble,

as nothing sinister bubbled

underneath

...





10 books to write

1. Starting Stuff For The First Time (a beginners guide)

2. The Dairy of Samuel Pepys

3. 1,578 THINGS TO DO WITH AN EGG TIMER

4. Skim Reading (at a glance)

5. The Bumper Book of Artichoke Jokes

6. Spooky Ghost-Owl Tales of Great Bittern

7. Buddha, The Boyband Years...

8. The Pop-Up Book of Saucy Welding Anecdotes
(comes with free safety visor & gloves)

9. War & Peas

& 10. The Incomplete Encyclopedia of EVERYTHING