( ? )

a pen as a paddle

~

a pen as a paddle ( elddap a sa nep a

…

a quest in a question
a quivering bow
the nadgers of badgers
a blithering flow

a ripple, a river
a rabbit, a hare
a ponder of yonder
the over in there

the answer is antlers
a staggering stag
the moon is retreating
& waving a flag

the sooner in later
is opening doors
a tisket, a biscuit
a tusking of boars

the scramble is egging
a cracking of chick
if easter is wester
in tockings of tick

the kettle is settled
the storm’s in the tea
the morning is forming
a puzzle in me

a pen as a paddle
a sword & a sun
a puddle of piddle
a bubble, a gun

the riddle is rubber
a cock of a hen
the rest is the scribbles
of mizzle in men

…

adventures in technicolour

~

adventures in technicolour ( ruolocinhcet ni serutnevda )

…

ride a white swansong

dance a red rumba

jump a green beanbag

ring a brown cowbell

sink a pink potshot

catch a gold sunbeam

grab a puce pew with

silverfish fingers

warble bronze broadsides

as the teal duck quacks

echo in yellow

have a mauve moment

orange on rhymeless

cataracts swirling

purple like patchwork

on a grey daydream

in a black catnap

’til the blues adieu

…

( author notes )

never wear light sandy corduroys after dark

they look like skin

& then the bullshit flows

…

promo poem

~

promo poem ( meop omorp )

…

grown under moonlight
made in cydonia

voted number one
by tea leaf readers

& lollipop ladies
who gave us five stars

each unique barcode
was jazz hand carved

ten percent of florists
found the secret passage

three in four badgers
never saw it coming

also available
in yellow or magenta

or dark matter
but good luck with that

six in seven shepherds
loved it like their flock

all organic
even the tentacles

typed over time
by a trillion chimps

brewed in a vat
with tramp underpants

under warranty
’til the end of the holocene

unconfused
despite the kali yuga

ten thousand barn owls
can’t be bloody wrong

eighty eight percent of goblins
said it was delicious

…

pardon?

~

pardon? ( ?nodrap )

…

where are my car keys?
– quarter past seven

can you smell gas?
– sticky toffee pudding

what time’s kick off?
– the sea of tranquility

do you take sugar?
– nought point five

will it rain later?
– fire salamanders

do you know your postcode?
– long john silver

have you lost some weight?
– six clarinets

cash or card?
– probably osmosis

when’s the next bus?
– sunny side up, please

is there a god?
– try the airing cupboard

have you fed the dog?
– the royal albert hall

is this a poem?
– bicarbonate of soda

…

alternative names for the moon

~

alternative names for the moon ( noom eht rof seman evitanretla )

…

cousin of the sun

david niven’s balloon

cheeky, cheesy chops

fodder of space-mice

old crater face

dean martin’s pizza

nephew of the death star

werewolf activator

mistress of up there

renfield amplifier

lover of the lunatics

shaper of the dreamscape

shooter of beams

master of the tides

as the midges bite

warden of the night

…

( author notes )

& i’ve heard word – from a reliable source

that the actor, comedian

& game show host – les dennis

is in fact … a straight man

( gasp )

apparently dennis used to be married

to that amanda holden – & all sorts

& she’s not a les

she’s an amanda instead

( another gasp )

so dennis has been fooling us all

since at least the fucking eighties

( it’s an absolute swizz )

…

my nine lives

~

my nine lives ( sevil enin ym )

…

beneath the speeding wheels
of a mobility scooter
( drag racing with a milk float )

napping in pudding lane
as the flames crept in

an eagle dropped aeschylus
on my moggy head

dozing on atlantis
as the waters rose

bitten by vampire bats
eaten by giant rats

catching the cream
that was best before
last august

stuck up a larch tree
for half a century

with my heart broken
by a two-timing persian

…

@ poem

~

@ poem ( meop @ )

…

@ north pole

@ bolthole

@ twatter handle

@ random sample

@ website

@ red light

@ username

@ el alamein

@ pluto

@ the keiper belt

@ rangoon

@ the bloody moon

@ asgard

@ noah’s ark

@ m.i.a

@ ran away

@ seven seas

@ n.p.c’s

@ b&m

@ b&q

@ wit’s end

@ xanadu

@ up in the air

– but where the fuck are you

( ? )

…