pardon?

~

pardon? ( ?nodrap )

…

where are my car keys?
– quarter past seven

can you smell gas?
– sticky toffee pudding

what time’s kick off?
– the sea of tranquility

do you take sugar?
– nought point five

will it rain later?
– fire salamanders

do you know your postcode?
– long john silver

have you lost some weight?
– six clarinets

cash or card?
– probably osmosis

when’s the next bus?
– sunny side up, please

is there a god?
– try the airing cupboard

have you fed the dog?
– the royal albert hall

is this a poem?
– bicarbonate of soda

…

exit plandemic

~

exit plandemic ( cimednalp tixe )

…

middle afternoons

drinking flat pop

      from a plastic beaker

      as the ‘rona fizzles

lo, a bridge aflame

see the normalzzz turn

      even snooze readers

      & children of the kool aid

but some muzzled cling

drooling for the bell

      hardcore zealots

      lost in their masada

walk beyond the song

of a winter swan

      don’t excuse the mess

      of this dress rehearsal

finches summon spring

singing waterloo

      as clouds gather

      on a hillock’s brow

so the future spools

fodder for the ghouls

      wear a beige raincoat

      & green jackboots

…

alternative names for the moon

~

alternative names for the moon ( noom eht rof seman evitanretla )

…

cousin of the sun

david niven’s balloon

cheeky, cheesy chops

fodder of space-mice

old crater face

dean martin’s pizza

nephew of the death star

werewolf activator

mistress of up there

renfield amplifier

lover of the lunatics

shaper of the dreamscape

shooter of beams

master of the tides

as the midges bite

warden of the night

…

( author notes )

& i’ve heard word – from a reliable source

that the actor, comedian

& game show host – les dennis

is in fact … a straight man

( gasp )

apparently dennis used to be married

to that amanda holden – & all sorts

& she’s not a les

she’s an amanda instead

( another gasp )

so dennis has been fooling us all

since at least the fucking eighties

( it’s an absolute swizz )

…

my nine lives

~

my nine lives ( sevil enin ym )

…

beneath the speeding wheels
of a mobility scooter
( drag racing with a milk float )

napping in pudding lane
as the flames crept in

an eagle dropped aeschylus
on my moggy head

dozing on atlantis
as the waters rose

bitten by vampire bats
eaten by giant rats

catching the cream
that was best before
last august

stuck up a larch tree
for half a century

with my heart broken
by a two-timing persian

…

@ poem

~

@ poem ( meop @ )

…

@ north pole

@ bolthole

@ twatter handle

@ random sample

@ website

@ red light

@ username

@ el alamein

@ pluto

@ the keiper belt

@ rangoon

@ the bloody moon

@ asgard

@ noah’s ark

@ m.i.a

@ ran away

@ seven seas

@ n.p.c’s

@ b&m

@ b&q

@ wit’s end

@ xanadu

@ up in the air

– but where the fuck are you

( ? )

…

budding song

~

budding song ( gnos gniddub )

…

daffodils emerge
underneath a silver birch
as the catkins nap

shoots of mutant green
soon is nearer than the moon
winter caught the clap

off a poet’s pen
when the weir is roaring forth
then the river knows

so galanthus snows
crocus croak a speckled ode
‘neath the gleaming crows

oh, the giddy ants
dance within me thermal pants
as the lamb tail’s sway

on the dozing trees
death is but a stepping stone
far-luh-lar-luh-lay

…

frosty stuff

~

frosty stuff ( ffuts ytsorf )

…

~

frost souls wandering

frost within this labyrinth

with their finger’s frost

~

frost by the wayside

frost with the dust on the breeze

frost like a caber

~

all is frost over

frost in the sands of time

frost like me marbles

~

frost but found again

frost with flocks of sheep

keys or a frost cat

~

frost where it’s frozen

& jumping like a jack frost

frost upon high seas

~

frost up in the air

& frost a pretty penny

not giving a frost

~

frost & far from home

frosting an arm & a leg

then frosting a bomb

~

making up frost ground

& frosting the great divide

frost in translation

…