jesus christ’s shopping list

~

vaseline

hot cross buns

bicycle clips

fruit ‘n’ fibre

almond milk

christmas cake

wedding rings

water skis

underwear

frankincense

shell suit

shake ‘n’ vac

smelly myrrh

the golden bough

trouser press

rubber johnnies

sugar cubes

blue beam me

easter eggs

sandal polish

perrier

( / champagne )

gardening gloves

& a tardis

s o n g b i r d

~

weeter than a nuthatch

   singing in the spring

   syrup chirruped hymns

lder than the old school

   ornithological

   odes upon a morn

estled in the woodland

   nodding like a rocking horse

   newer than the dawn’s

listening skin

   gargle like a lark

   glowing with the clover

lackbirds & thrushes

   bobbing with the robins

   bouncing like a bomb

n between the sound

   is the whispering breeze

   interludal blues

hythm with wings

   ruffles raven feather’s

   red wings middle-eight

own in the dingle

   dawdle in the sound

   dancing forever

autumn mixtape ’21

~

velcro war – it’s a bloody stick up

the parsnip farmers – folk right off

sue in a shoe – the parson knows

death by skiffle – death by skiffle

colin collywobbles – stegosaurus soup

peter panspermia – purple patchwork

bailiffs on bail – nan’s on tag

d.j gobshite – cunts in the club

gavin ganymede – ode to a nosebleed

anal rapier – untitled fuckabout

& beethoven’s eighty eighth ( monty don dub )

( author notes )

all of the above is imaginary
so you can download it telepathically
for free

s p l i t t i n g

~

sing of sinking sand
crackles on the telephone
breaking up the band

leaves upon the breeze
summer on sabbatical
personalities

face another daze
exit left & left again
scribble in this maze

scramble like an egg
leg it if the time is up
down a powder keg

atoms in a bomb
broken biscuit overtures
fissure with aplomb

from the glue of you
making one & one from two
fuck it – toodleooh

musings on cuckoos & caca

~

there’s a bird in a clock

in the bonce

of the masses

as the bright skies lark

& a dark light gasses

like a fart – from the arse

of a granny on the bitter

so the pooh follows through

& the winter is a shitter

says the ghoul in the box

as a fox

trots faster

s & m – yet again

wear a mask – yes master

see the prick’s pantomime

with a climb of a stumble

in a backwards forth

or the apple cart will crumble

so a magpie’s eyes

spy the weasels

in the armour

as the sun drowns down

& the jabberwocky’s scarper

but the stoats still float

over clover of the after

singing spinning hymns

of the cuckoos

& their caca

musings on crab apples & crabs

~

no, they’re not like fleas
or their itchy namesake

so we catch them from trees
not hot tubs in nunneries

or a sauna packed with tramps
or from sniffing sailor’s pants

they don’t grow in the sea
or fall horizontally

apparently they’re apples
but they’re jellified – not pied

or crumbled like a bramley
with blackberries & custard

the mustard cuts with this
the rest is paper thin

with a sparkle in their heart
& a star beneath their skin