what the critics said

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what the critics said ( dais scitirc eht tahw )

…

“the unicorn bristles
gently caress the heels”
( rennie rectangle, shoe buff buff monthly )

“tied too tightly
to ever be undone”
( zues ammon junior, the gordian )

“the phoenix feathers
sang me to sleep”
( eve smegingley, things that rhyme with willow )

“i laughed so hard
my harvest failed”
( archibald arsewipe, the sunday hexpress )

“one, zero, one, one
zero, one, zero, zero”
( gordon borgton, the annual bot review )

“rusty in places
but absolutely arrow-proof”
( mussafah goodwinson, the daily chain mail )

…

the morris dancers ( ! )

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the morris dancers ( ! ) ( ( ! ) screcnad sirrom eht )

…

they live upon the fringes
like black eyed bus conductors

half within this whirl
fifty percent elsewhereish

perchance a c.a.m.r.a inn
on a cousin frequency

emerging when the chimes
knell them into eyesight

prancing like a hart
bobbing as a robin

on a beltane morn
or at the vicar’s garden party

men with wood clash
rod on rod action

erato wets her knickers
lost in mutant music

skipping like a scratched e.p
watch those bellends go

bobs on boxing day
in the corners of our vision thing

where the faeries play
games of hide & seek again

fading in & otherling
with their wonky radios

waving handkerchiefs
wafting white wraiths

what the folk are you?
what the folk is glowing on?

i’ve yet to catch a live one
& keep it in my net

they wriggle like a stickleback
then vanish as a phantom

…

hikes ‘n’ yikes

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hikes ‘n’ yikes ( sekiy ‘n’ sekih )

…

the rising cost of tea
& cheapo custard creams

the soaring price of squiddy ink
& sheets of recycled tree

or “paper” ( if you must )
is bumming poetry

up the hairy backroad
where the brown bears growl

see the normans harrying
norf f.c

yoking like the romans
when they’re claudine forked

effed or rogered
this is not a jolly flag

hags in flighty nighties
bull eyed bellends

poke us with cattle prods
& invisible twigs

all the normalzzz shudder
barking utter bollards

so the bend is near
chafe the evening breezy

& pay fifty quid or else
for this scribbled “freebie”

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b a r d

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b a r d ( d r a b )

…

bark a rabid dirge

blacken a red door

blue a roan donkey

bloom a rosy dawn

bite a ripe damson

blow a raspberry – doughnut

build a rocky den

breathe a rousing dew

boat a river down

bob a robin’s dance

brush a rascal dog

bumble a runcible ditty

bee a rainy day

bright against rising darkness

bugger all robotic diktats

bring a rubber duckie

…

lost in muesli

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lost in muesli ( ilseum ni tsol )

…

deader than prince phillip
rosencratz or elvis

woe’s a broken flow
a simian simile

a monkey up a tree
a gibbon wrapped in ribbons

the road ahead is blueness
& not on google earth

the birth of venus teases
a botticelli bot

& huff behind the blinds
saving us from daylight

the morn’ before i saw
a kingfisher catch

a freshwater kraken
the size of an ice cream van

& ran home to tell
the man on the news

who laughed at my tale
the rest’s a beached whale

a bee in a sonnet
a pocketful of breadcrumbs

dreaming still of yous
in me unlaced oxford shoes

…