bakewell tartaria

~

bakewell tartaria ( airatrat llewekab )

bakewell tartaria

a frangipan land

      with raspberry jam

      & flaky butter pastry

the almonds of yore

with rivers of custard

      a pudding erased

     ( as seen in daydreams )

the internet’s abuzz

– of course they still had teatime

      during all them mud floods

      in the daze of yon

so put the kettle on

& let the steam scream

      drool on a stool

      & type yourself normalzzz

prod the phantom veil again

flee the cave unchained

      smoke another bifter

      sing a wanker song

a flan for all seasons

for truthers with sweet tooths

      & pubes upon their palms

      who think this egg’s a dome

( nob’eads )

( author notes )

this poem is dedicated to the late archbishop desmond tutu

who’s now in heaven with his father, desmond one one

so thoughts & prayers to his wife, mrs. tutu

& their lovely baby boy, desmond three three

– long live the desmonds

shave the captain

~

shave the captain  (  t h e  n o t  i  )





spun's the sung as hang's the catkin

rub the duck & scratch the backspin

dazed's the day as string's the fiddle

spill the quill & sheet the satin


quid's the pro as quo's the latin

rose the dog & dodge the gatlin

heat's the nose as grill's the griddle

toe the flow & feet the famine


sheep's the speak as creased's the napkin

tongue the rung & bung the chaplain

rain's the lane as drum's the drizzle

match the bat & catch the last in


whirr's the spur as ant's the admin

dance the prick & dick the hatpin

whip's the ship as slip's the nipple

serf the wave & shave the captain

...






























































 

turnip wars & turpentine

~

turnip wars & turpentine ( a true story in scraps )





turnip wars & turpentine

smashing boars & borderlines

scabby knees & monkey cheese

crumbled walls where ivy climbs


lizard tongues & alkaline

acid licks & lichtenstein

a.b.c's & antifreeze

echo through the chorus line


chickenpox & melon vines

paradigms & minus signs

rotting peas & tossing seas

winter hides in summertime


belfry bats & calamine

plastic pants & pantomimes

ropy trees & smoky keys

broken bits of biscuit rhymes

...





































































odd bless this grim

~

odd bless this grim ( a trueish story )




the dales are veils - the hills are still

the sun has paled beneath this grey

that here wassails & wails its will

from vaults above upon this fray


the rain is hail - the sleet is sheet

the clouds are shrouds of drunken dim

the gale exhales & quakes the wheat

no bird is heard within this brim


the quail has bailed - my quill has chilled

its ink has failed as curates pray

for gold & ale & sleep & pills

as trees sweat on & mad dogs stray


the nails are snails - the streams are streets

the cats are hounds - the wind has limbs

these days i crave - their taste is sweet

my frown they drown - god bless this grim

...






























all schooled out

~

all schooled out by dangle dingle dingle dangles


if poetry told you

to jump off a cliff

onto the hard rocks

oh so far below

or rob a bookies

stockings 'n' sawn-offs

' give us your money '

I hope you'd say no


if poetry told you

to throttle mother

then your stepbrother

in some mad kill fit

then please ignore it

poetry's wicked

the dark beyond us

a true little shit

...