beast before easter


beast before easter  (  h m m m m m m m  )

bats in the attic

the battle of jutland

is naps in a foundry

& houses in huts

woods on the woodchip

achoo & confucius

a clatter of cushions

a scatter of struts

stalking the morning

a pun in the oven

as sirius dribbles

& riddle's the mutts

mist is a vista

it's greener on venus

a deer in y' earwig

& stagger the ruts

sit isaac newton

it's grey in y' ashtray

the eye of a neutron

a tab for y' butts

queen nefertiti

a spoon in the treacle

& barks in the darkness

a trundle of guts

pearls in a swirlwind

a natter of napkins

so beast before easter

& may contain nuts

throbs of thrombosis

plus frogs & trombonists

a river of scissors

the kicks & the cuts


muffle-buggered sky thing


muffle-buggered sky thing ( a poem )


yes, it's squidgy in the riddle

said the lemon to the lark

as the catnip purred a lion

& the dogwood wolfed a bark

as the vicar played the fiddle

& the spiders spun an ark

neath a muffle-buggered sky thing

as the morris men turned dark

as the acorn chased a squirrel

up a flagpole in the park

& the marquis in his marquee

showed some aardvarks his birthmark

aye - it's vim-stuff in the fizzle

said the fishwife to the shark

oh but change is rearranging

it's that never-ending spark


cripes & out the other one


cripes & out the other one ( a poem but there are worse things … )

don't baffle the badger

or flummox the fox

don't puzzle the polecat

you'll give 'em the pox

don't bother the otter

or garble the lark

don't wobble the weasel

or things could turn dark

don't addle the adder

or tickle the toad

don't headfuck the heron

or you'll shit your load


oh, scarecrows


oh, scarecrows ( 12 lines of amateur scrawl )

summer's snowmen, winter's patches

either mixes - neither matches

secret blinkers, sea-deep thinkers

staring scary - hairy thatches

pumkin bumpkins, rustic people

sometimes charming - mainly evil

herring red ploys, cheeky decoys

'neath a broad sky - life is peaceful

timeless styling, sleepy shirkers

muddy buggers, crop preservers

silent sentries, time aplenty

bird disturbers - stop the murder



hot toes


hot toes  (  something i started on yesterday )

hot toes

puzzled troubles


soapy fumbles


lemon scented



vest strings

gently plucking


tipping - tumbling

much is

doubtless hiding

scared or

elsewhere skiving

fuck off

dizzy dribbles


pissy quibbles

belt it

chuckle buckles

sweet as 



pickled onions

sealed tight

phantom bunions

pop this

in the kettle's


( hope things settle )


with half an onion in my pocket


with half an onion in my pocket  (  a  p o e t r y  o f  a  p o e m  )

breezing down the lanes

with half an onion in my pocket

wafting as i go

my shiny stainless steel spokes

gleaming here today

as eyeballs hang on in their sockets

weasels wave hello

& so too do the stoats

bees buzz through my brain

with thoughts of yellow jerseyed comets

dandruff versus snow

those off-beat bicycle notes

trees leave unexplained

as brakes say nay - that pace won't stop it

upward's crawl was slow

but everything since floats



talkin’ rhubarb


talkin’ rhubarb  (  p r e d o m i n a n t l y  p i f f l e  2 0 1 7  )

talkin' rhubabrb, stems & stumbles

apples rotten? mustn't crumble

pips & slippage, turns & tumbles

extras, custard, mumbles - jumbles

bloody mondays - ganders flustered

scissored ribbons, colonel mustard

in the vestry with the buzzard

anne of cleves plus mother hubbard

roman nosedives sniffing petals

stinging nettles sing of kettles

dust is swirling - no snow settles

stick to script & wing a medal

trust no pastry or pacemakers

dodge the jam man, buy a paper

start a puzzle, finish later

add some years then meet thy maker