poetry f.a.q’s

~

poetry f.a.q’s ( s’q.a.f yrteop )

…

is rhyme a hangable crime?

can i stroke her tail

& feed her magic beans?

is she in me genes?

will she shine my shoes

& burn my toast each morning?

if i write five in a row

will my elbows explode?

if i read six in one sitting

will my skin become corduroy?

can i still avoid soy?

are batteries included?

can i plod her marshlands

or will she suck us under

like a polo mint?

are words optional

like ironing a shirt

or looking both ways before crossing?

is she available in turquoise?

can i scale her east face

solo in a thunderstorm

in a pair of underpants

with a leaden pencil?

can i kiss her tentacles

or tickle her phantom udders

with a phoenix feather

or gossamer from the attic

as a skylark barks?

do i have to wear a cravatte

& pretend i care about shat?

does she glow in the dark?

is she banned in denmark?

…

cool poem

~

cool poem ( meop looc )

…

~

this poem is the corpse

of a cucumber farmer

still wearing shades

in a haunted mortuary

~

a vortexed breeze

in the doldrums of january

blue moonbeams

or jack frost’s handshake

~

this poem is the mermaids

that swim europa’s oceans

or a lost sunbather

in the deepest dark of space

~

cubes in the glass

of your homemade lemonade

sipping as she fizzes

& bubbles in the shade

~

this poem is the dogs

– sploshing in the river

& polar bears smoking

p.g tips

~

this poem is cool

like a second hand cagoule

or a yeti in an ice bath

– top that, y’ tool

…

the bunting is munting

~

the bunting is munting ( gnitnum si gnitnub eht )

…

the silence was golden
a clamour is made
beholding the lost of
the wanker parade

a thunder of fuckers
a bitch of a groan
arranged by the folk who
won’t leave us alone

a floating of gloating
a schism of narc
the crows above circle
but never a lark

the sun is avoiding
the soiling of day
as mister punch swazzles
magonia’s grey

a tentful of tossers
& crap cover bands
the glasses are plastic
& warm in your hands

the lager is fizzless
an apt metaphor
so please putin save us
with nuclear war

a castle of bounces
the drowning ‘n’ bruised
the emptier vessels
are easily amused

the darkness in normalzzz
a forceful delight
the bunting is munting
the carnival’s shite

…

seen be to yet

~

seen be to yet ( tey ot eb nees )

…

when chelsea tractors plough
the muddy fields beyond

& hug-a-mugger chuggers
run away

when all the rich philanthropists
leave us alone

& those effing jesuits
mind their own beeswax

as elton john’s wig
grows an inch – overnight

an alien emerges
out of simon parkes’s arse

climate change melts
the snow in all the snow domes

andrew windsor vindaloos
sweating not a drop

when poltergeists pose
on the cover of vogue

i’ll eat my own toe jam
on hot buttered teacakes

& play leapfrog
with wild boar or rhinos

as you’re crowned the new queen
of sheba – or whiskas

…

goes saying the as

~

goes saying the as ( sa eht gniyas seog )

…

time to feed the unicorns
& face the candle’s bright

morris dance on mercury
& see the carrot knight

fight the cabbage dragon or
paint the piper’s door

kiss the vicar’s knicker drawer
& bid you all goodnight

…

a bits of a poemz

~

a bits of a poemz ( zmeop a fo stib a )

…

the bus was late

like henry the eighth

      ( who died

        in fifteen forty seven )

ten passed two

& eleven went twelve

      ( washing machines

        live longer with calgon )

vans car by

but cars van faster

      ( they should have seen it coming

        – the tay bridge disaster )

phil collin’s middle names

are david & charles

      ( there goes godot

        in his souped-up milk float )

sixteen down

in the cryptid crossword

     ( a badger & an otter

       crossed with an owl )

according to guiness

the oldest known woodlouse

      ( was aged eighty seven

        & two months – in dog years )

cats can’t dance

the macarena backwards

      ( & the blackpool tower

        is taller than saint paul’s )

why this trivia?

yonder is a songbird

      ( shitting on the vicar’s

        peter storm cagoule )

…