shower proof helps

shower proof helps ( spleh foorp rewohs )

…

shower proof helps – but

does eff all in a cloudburst

fool in a cagoule

…

eat duh boogs

eat duh boogs ( sgoob hud tae )

…

ladybird burgers

wasp stroganoff

earthworm noodles

termite pizza

fruit fly cake

caterpillar soup

centipede balti

head lice ice cream

dung beetle crumble

silverfish & chips

– delish

…

the bunting is munting

the bunting is munting ( gnitnum si gnitnub eht )

…

the silence was golden
a clamour is made
beholding the lost of
the wanker parade

a thunder of fuckers
a bitch of a groan
arranged by the folk who
won’t leave us alone

a floating of gloating
a schism of narc
the crows above circle
but never a lark

the sun is avoiding
the soiling of day
as mister punch swazzles
magonia’s grey

a tentful of tossers
& crap cover bands
the glasses are plastic
& warm in your hands

the lager is fizzless
an apt metaphor
so please putin save us
with nuclear war

a castle of bounces
the drowning ‘n’ bruised
the emptier vessels
are easily amused

the darkness in normalzzz
a forceful delight
the bunting is munting
the carnival’s shite

…

seen be to yet

seen be to yet ( tey ot eb nees )

…

when chelsea tractors plough
the muddy fields beyond

& hug-a-mugger chuggers
run away

when all the rich philanthropists
leave us alone

& those effing jesuits
mind their own beeswax

as elton john’s wig
grows an inch – overnight

an alien emerges
out of simon parkes’s arse

climate change melts
the snow in all the snow domes

andrew windsor vindaloos
sweating not a drop

when poltergeists pose
on the cover of vogue

i’ll eat my own toe jam
on hot buttered teacakes

& play leapfrog
with wild boar or rhinos

as you’re crowned the new queen
of sheba – or whiskas

…

i heart asparagus

i heart asparagus ( sugarapsa traeh i )

…

oh, green sparrow grass

anagram of aura gasps

spearing me dearly

…

goes saying the as

goes saying the as ( sa eht gniyas seog )

…

time to feed the unicorns
& face the candle’s bright

morris dance on mercury
& see the carrot knight

fight the cabbage dragon or
paint the piper’s door

kiss the vicar’s knicker drawer
& bid you all goodnight

…

william pitt the younger

william pitt the younger ( regnuoy eht ttip mailliw )

…

ti-dye artichokes

badger avant fireguard

dopamine donuts

…

a bits of a poemz

a bits of a poemz ( zmeop a fo stib a )

…

the bus was late

like henry the eighth

( who died

in fifteen forty seven )

ten passed two

& eleven went twelve

( washing machines

live longer with calgon )

vans car by

but cars van faster

( they should have seen it coming

– the tay bridge disaster )

phil collin’s middle names

are david & charles

( there goes godot

in his souped-up milk float )

sixteen down

in the cryptid crossword

( a badger & an otter

crossed with an owl )

according to guiness

the oldest known woodlouse

( was aged eighty seven

& two months – in dog years )

cats can’t dance

the macarena backwards

( & the blackpool tower

is taller than saint paul’s )

why this trivia?

yonder is a songbird

( shitting on the vicar’s

peter storm cagoule )

…

william pitt the elder

william pitt the elder ( redle eht ttip mailliw )

…

foghorn forestry

fossilising friday’s face

fruit fly funerary

…

i buy my pegs from the gypsies

i buy my pegs from the gypsies ( seispyg eht morf sgep ym yub i )

…

the sailor went to the tailors
for his tights & an evening gown
the sailor went to the tailors
he paid five shillings & a crown