twelve daze of christmas


twelve daze of christmas ( samtsirhc fo ezad evlewt )

twelve plumbers bumming

eleven spiders typing

ten fjords a-weeping

nine daisies dancing

eight babes a-milfing

seven nonces spilling

six m.p’s a-praying

five y’olden kings

four morning turd’s

three hench hens

two myrtle gloves

& a parsnip up my arse

twelve daze of yulemas


twelve daze of yulemas ( sameluy fo ezad evlewt )

twelve elves in shell suits

bobbing in the woodland

eleven ewes are loose

– there’s a goose with a gun

ten winter wrens

if the pickled pen says so

nine pints of water

from the spring before the river

eight middle eights

in a shitty christmas songbook

seven pheasant feathers

in the field behind the graveyard

six zip cardigans

knitted by the pixie folk

five chocolate coins

in lieu of legal tender

four androids

for every human here

three ducks waddle

on the bridge beside the weir

two sharp pebbles

from the innards of my shoe

& a parnsip in a parp

from the bandstand in my bottom