…
spongiform sundays
paper planes & cartoon moons
a pop tart sandwich
…
…
spongiform sundays
paper planes & cartoon moons
a pop tart sandwich
…
…
the wheels on the bus
of the rail replacement service
go round & round – when
the unions put their foot down
until the traffic lights
turn blue for a change
as that cosmic trickster
is a constant spanner
as the sails on the boats
waiting for the isobars
to clash like a martian
in a red spacesuit
in between gusts
settle like the dust
onto the cobwebs
inside your nan’s knickers
so the wings of the planes
of origami airlines
fly like a crane
or a scrumpled ball of paper
into the recycling bin
of back to the drawing board
until that effing drawing board
is reinvented
…
…
i’ve been to b&m
& bought a bag of birdseed
every other breakfast
is a teatime in disguise
elvis lives
in your uncle’s secret hayloft
a teaspoon of honey
instead of sugar
ninety nine percent
of poets have piles
ten of your go on some mores
is four country miles
the capital of egypt
is actually e
cairo is a city
& not in fact a letter
showerproof cagoules
do eff all in a cloudburst
eight percent of astronauts
have ian as their middle name
joan of bloody arc
never jumped the queue in farmfoods
the loch ness monster
sometimes lurks in the serpentine
…
…
~
she went on a walk
for a country mile or two
on a wet tuesday in april
~
while pigeons shat
on the mayor’s car parked
outside the town hall ( in town )
~
& laundry maids
sang old, raunchy ballads
about the price of bread – & thereabouts
~
off she upped & went
with a knapsack packed
with lucozade & tracker bars
~
most polar bears
have never seen a ghost
& not all birds can sing
~
a piece of string
is the distance of its span
– no one’s spotted her since
…
…
jailhouse frock
suspicious mints
tits now or never
( let me be your ) sweaty bear
a little less condensation
a pelican trilogy
rectum to sender
scrying in the chapel
heartbreak hovel
the chunder of you
neville in disguise
in the gateaux
…
…
august or bust
the mugwart is calling
hello from the hedgerows
the blackberries beckon
a jigsaw above us
in herringbone pieces
the stone in your trainers
is fit for a peach
the morn’ is a muddle
the even’ tiptoes
the nettles still sting though
– yes, it’s one o’ those
so august or bust
octavian’s ghost
is prodding with twigs
& canes from the bean frame
…
…
the ducks fed me
regurgitated breadcrumbs
& green duckweed
scooped with their beaks
from the bottom of the derwent
which flowed to bleaklow moor
north from the trent
as a toddler mauled a staffie
their parents used to say
it’s nurture not nature
in the park again
yet change rearranged
so old biddies gathered
high on aspartame
vaping & littering
if their grandkids found out
they’d no doubt – be ashamed
& blame the internet
leaves fell upwards
from the ground to the trees
not one cottager
stuffed inside the cubicles
of the gents bog
which flushed like a dream
cyclists remembered
what their bells were for
the ice cream van
sold hot mister whippies
the moon shined bright – come noon
& all the tossers jogging
watched where they were going
& never hogged the path
…
…
garden guests sweat
stroking the archbishop’s toes
a scotch egg sandwich
…
…
b isto gravy granules, bat boxes, busybodies
r ed brick polytechnics, riddles, roast parsnips
i roning boards, ivy, iron age hill forts
t owpaths, toad-in-the-hole, trainspotters in anoraks
a nother lute solo, am-dram, apple pips
n ightmarish hellhounds, n.h.s death cults
n ob’eads, nettles, numpties – nonces on t.v
i tching powder tricksters, idiots in parliament
a valon, a bus fare home, a twat on the throne
…
…
hummingbirds glide by
with not a hum between ’em
butterflies becoming
their moth-like alter egos
green goes blacker
on this gland of hope & glory
fields fade a shade
of bugger off to bedfordshire
normies snore
like a corpse in a deep freeze
busybodies stop
waving their latest flag – or banner
even poets pause
& scratch their hairy bollocks
shepherds were delighted
at the redness in the heavens
…
( author notes )
& apparently – catalytic converter theft
is on the rise again
due to the lure
of their so-called – precious metals
i’ve not got ’round
to writing a poem about it yet
but stay vigilant everyone
– together we can beat this
…