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strange pub names

the george & dragon snap

the tinker’s nipple

the albino snark

the horny akela

the king’s hedgehog

the queen’s pidgin english

the herring red lion

the black horsefly

the onbudsman’s ankles

the chest feeder’s bollocks

the travellers wrestle

the phantom arms

the dog rose & crown

the park keeper’s anus

the rocking horse & hellhounds

the dude of wellington

the dupe of york

the green man … alishi

the costerman’s bum fluff

the do my fucking head inn

joseph of arimathea

drear reader

august’s haiku salad

five fat chaffinches

chariots of fireflies

motorway jam sets

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ice cream vangelis

episodic bird scarers

ruffle your crow’s feet

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pan is a panda

valkyries in waxed bikinis

aspidistra this

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climate cult sirens

fruit cake bots in green jackboots

grey day afternoons

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hedgehog holidays

scrumping blueberry moonbeams

splendiferous shite

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hosepipe hosiery

rumplestiltskin’s swingball serve

is a hunchback hand

the infotainment scamp

i’ve been to b&m
& bought a bag of birdseed

every other breakfast
is a teatime in disguise

elvis lives
in your uncle’s secret hayloft

a teaspoon of honey
instead of sugar

ninety nine percent
of poets have piles

ten of your go on some mores
is four country miles

the capital of egypt
is actually e

cairo is a city
& not in fact a letter

showerproof cagoules
do eff all in a cloudburst

eight percent of astronauts
have ian as their middle name

joan of bloody arc
never jumped the queue in farmfoods

the loch ness monster
sometimes lurks in the serpentine